College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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