i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
