All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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