Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
