so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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