and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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