If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
