wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
