The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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