he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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