We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Ketchup is God's man juice
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
