she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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