so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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