Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
