I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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