But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
