Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
