shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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