I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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