I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
