Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
