I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
