next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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