So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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