You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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