Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
