bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There's always time for handjobs
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
