Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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