Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
