When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
