Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
