I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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