Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
