I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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