conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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