look no pants
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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