..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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