i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
