a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it's like iHOP with fire
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
