all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
