i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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