Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
