Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
