u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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