He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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