blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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