My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i now understand why vodka
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
