I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
