Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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