so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
