woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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