none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
