wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
