I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
