His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
